Often when we think about abortion, our focus of concern is on the mothers, because the baby was conceived within the mother's body, and it's the mothers who experience the physical act of abortion. However, the fathers who also conceived a child often struggle with the pain abortion can cause, whether they supported the abortion choice or not.
If a woman chooses to have an abortion, even though her partner and father of her child does not support this decision, it can cause incredible feelings of anger and resentment from the father toward the mother, be it his wife or girlfriend. If the rejection of the idea of abortion is not respected and valued within the couples' relationship, a deep rift can occur. This rift is not impossible to repair or heal, but it does require an incredible amount of love and validation within the relationship, not to mention a great deal of time and patience on the part of both partners as the healing evolves.
If a man assists his wife or girlfriend in the affirmative decision to have an abortion, he still has lost a child, and may at a later time need to address this loss, and go through the grieving process in order to heal and cope with the fact that his child is no more, even if the initial response is a feeling of relief. Even men, who insist that the mothers of their children have the abortions, will often later regret their decision and wish that they could resend their former votes for the abortions to occur.
Another scenario is equally represented in the men who think they are doing the "politically correct" thing by leaving the decision and choice completely up to their partner. It sounds good, after all doesn't society trumpet that abortion is a woman's choice to do what she wants to do with her own body, and to deny her that choice is unconstitutional. Even in this situation, you have a man who has at least a 50/50 chance of losing his child. Sometimes the woman in this type of situation welcomes the ability to make her own choice, but sometimes she feels abandoned and alone in making her decision, and wishes desperately that the father of her child would stand with her in fighting for that child's life.
Either way the situation works out, if you are a man and have lost a child to abortion, your loss is valid and it matters. Whether you supported the idea of abortion or not is not relative to the fact that you lost fatherhood in this situation. You may struggle with feelings of anger, resentment, helplessness and hopelessness. You may fight bouts of depression as you grieve for your lost child. You may suffer relational problems due to the circumstances of the abortion decision. Whatever your situation or the circumstances surrounding your loss of fatherhood, there are resources to help you, and there is hope for you in overcoming this loss.
One of the many things that I love so much about the Rachel's Vineyard retreats is the emphasis for healing for fathers following a pregnancy termination. At these retreats, you, as fathers, have the opportunity to share your feelings openly and honestly with others who understand your loss, and you get to honor your child in the process and find the closure that you need. I would encourage any male who has lost a child to abortion to attend a weekend retreat to work on the grief that you have for your lost child. Oaks Studio is proud to be establishing a new Interdenominational site with our first retreat as a new site occurring on the weekend of October 19-21st. For more information on the new site, visit HERE.
Oaks Studio is also committed to helping fathers who have lost children to abortion, no matter the situation in which it occurred. Please check out the Fatherhood Losses page of the website for additional information and resources for working through your grief and loss issues. May God bless you as you work in this important and valid area of loss.
No comments:
Post a Comment