Monday, June 10, 2013

Insight #100

   
  
      In looking at the blinking line to begin the title of this post, my mind was blank.  I knew I wanted to share in this post the insight that I gained last week about emotions being triggered by things that people say and why, but this is one of I don't know how many insights I have come to share here in this blog.  So, I titled it "Insight #100" and will continue up in number from here, so that I can sort these types of posts out from now on.  If you've read much of this blog you already know that I value insight in my spiritual life very highly, because I believe it is the window into our souls that God gives us to help us in understanding our purposes here in this world to bring Him glory.  I truly believe insight is among our present day manna from heaven!

     I realized this past week how important it is for us to dig deeper than our surface reactions to things that people say and do that hurt us.  I was in a meeting last week in which a group member erroneously accused me, in front of the present members, of doing something that had cost the group financial/social gain.  My feelings were hurt immediately and I felt angry, so angry in fact that I could feel the blood filling up my face and head.  This person had slighted me several times prior to this incident in private/personal ways, and now they were doing it publicly as well.  I instantly thought of all of the hours of my time that I had given to the project they had referenced and how belittled those efforts had been from this person's comments, but it went deeper still.  I felt belittled as a person as well.  I felt devalued.  I felt criticized, and as if my efforts would never be "good enough."  I could go on and on about the feelings that surfaced, but I'm sure you understand my point. 

     As the week went on and I thought of this incident and the effect it had on my mood and my thoughts, I realized it wasn't what this person had said to me that was really bothering me, after all it was only one statement, it carried little value, as other group members came to my defense and I defended myself and proved the accusation was false.  So, why was my response so strong and powerful that it took me days to recuperate from this?  The reason is the insight itself.  The reason this person's comment bothered me so much wasn't the comment itself, but all of the years of emotions that it triggered inside my heart, mind and spirit that gave it it's power.

     Without knowing it, this person of similar age and description to my mother, had triggered old pains and self beliefs that had been planted and nurtured by my mother throughout my childhood and early adult life.  She had opened the box that I try so hard to keep locked tight and in its neat place on the shelf.  When I thought so much work had been done on this issue, surely I was finished with it, but this incident, along with one similar just months before, helped me to realize I still have a long way to go in healing from the damage of my abuse history.

     So, plainly said, the insight is that it's not what someone says that hurts us so much, it's all the pain and anger and "junk" they trigger with their hurtful statement that really matters to us and stirs us so deeply.  In the world of psychology, this is called "unfinished business," and evidently I have some of it left to finish.  Maybe the next time you are hurt by something someone says you can ask yourself, "why is this hurting me so much," "does this remind me of someone else from my past or present life," "do these feelings I'm having relate in some way to my past hurts or pains, and if so, why?"  These are all valuable questions to ask yourself, if you want to get to the root of who you are and how you exist in the world.  Ask God to help you to understand at times like this that you can feel, as I do, bewildered as to why someone would treat another human this way, what could possibly be their purpose in doing so?  Perhaps, like in this case, He allows it to show us a deeper understanding of who we are.  Perhaps He allows it to draw us into a closer relationship with Him.  Wouldn't both of these possibilities be worth it?  For me, the answer is a resounding, "Yes!"