To Tell or Not to Tell

When I was studying various sources during my work toward healing following my abortions, I read differing views about sharing abortions with others and whether or not it was recommended as a healing step to take.  There are various camps that see this issue from opposing viewpoints.  I have my own views about it, which were established following doing a little of all that I researched and thought was "the right way" to do it, combined with what I actually did and my experiences from it, and others' experiences that have been shared with me.

One source I read was quite convincing that the post-abortive need to confess their sins in front of others in order to be fully healed following an abortion.  Isn't that what the Bible says after all, "confess your sins one to another..?" (James 5:16) The last part of that verse is, "and pray for each other so that you may be healed."  I believe this verse applies to those of us who are post-abortive, but I believe we need to be extremely careful who we confess this sin to, because as we know, information like this is not safe in everyone's hands. I do not believe this is a blanket statement or recommendation for every person who encounters this dilemma.  I know a woman who also serves in post abortion ministry, who believed that she was expected to stand in front of her church and confess this sin to her congregation.  She was convicted, she said, to do this, and felt led by God to stand in the pulpit and make this confession publicly.  She followed what she felt was God's leading in her life, and did confess her abortion from many years prior, when she was 16 years old.  Unfortunately, as you might suspect, she was judged harshly by many of the people in her church, which led to her being rejected on a completely different level.  She was very wounded by the behaviors of some of the people there, Christian people she believed she could trust.  I also believe that sharing these experiences with others can be extremely helpful and healing, but we must scrutinize every individual with which we contemplate sharing it.  Because, there are many people who care more about judging others in an attempt to cast themselves in a more favorable light, than there are focusing on praying for healing for the person who shares this raw information.  I am sad to say it, but not everyone is worthy of such delicate and potentially harmful confessions.  Some people absolutely love to get their hands on juicy details of others' lives, so that at an opportune time, they can use it to damage another person's reputation and character.  We can easily recognize the evil root of these types of behaviors.

I have found comfort in sharing my story with a very trusted friend of many years.  I would have trusted my life with her, and at the time, I did in a very real way.  She received me with love and showered me with support to heal from the pain she could see all over my face and body.  She extended God's love in that time, and in the years since then.  I picked this friend very carefully, because I knew her heart was after God's heart and that she did not intend evil toward me or my family.  She has never experienced the devastating pain abortion can bring to one's life, but her husband has and after our conversation her eyes were opened to a whole different dimension of his person-hood.  She was able to extend love, compassion and mercy to both of us, which was very healing to each of us in our own ways.  She and her husband continue to contribute to our Oaks Studio Team's work on our site's Rachel's Vineyard Retreats in very special ways.  What a blessing they both are to us and those we serve!

My point in a nutshell is we MUST be careful who we share our experiences of abortion, and in what way we do that.  Make sure that you are confiding in a very close and trusted friend or family member.  Sharing with a therapist may be a good first person to share with, as they have no other connections in your life and can hopefully be completely objective about their counsel of you during that time.  Even with a therapist, I would recommend establishing trust and rapport with them before venturing into this very treacherous territory.  Make sure you understand their views generally regarding abortion, because it is important for them to match your views closely.   There is more to share on this subject, so I will say more in a different post soon.