Yesterday, on Surrender the Secret, the ladies from the group shared their stories, with the exception of Vanessa. This episode was so powerful to watch, and so heart wrenching at the same time. Sharing the stories of our past abortions is one of the hardest things to do in our lives, and there is no way to go into that story without dredging up images, memories, and emotional pain. Healing does not erase these components of a past abortion, it only makes it easier to bear, what we once thought was unbearable. In our healing retreats, sharing our stories is equally hard as it was for the women in the group on this show, so beautifully put together by Knock TV. But, the sharing brings cohesion and unity to what may be an extremely varied group, along with building trust that is absolutely essential in any healing setting.
I was thrilled as I watched to see no condemnation or judgment within the group as stories were shared, this will mean that trust can develop and that each woman will feel freer to share what her innermost thoughts and emotions are moving forward. I must underscore the importance that any time we discuss our abortions, or share of this personal information, we must do so in a SAFE ENVIRONMENT, as you witnessed in this episode. A safe environment isn't one where people stroke our egos and tell us it's okay that we had abortions, it is a place where all of our shortcomings and mistakes can be brought into the light without someone running in to judge us or tell us how awful we are. No one in this group denies that abortion was wrong, in the results for their children or for themselves and their relationships; and if you listen closely, you can hear the language that each woman uses to describe her regret and struggle with self acceptance due to her former choice. Especially, in the early stages of a woman's healing journey, we must be so careful about sharing these intimate details with others; as we may unknowingly open ourselves up for further emotional damage. I hope that as time goes on, many more can come to participate in this type of safe environment in which to grow and heal, by attending one of our post-abortion healing retreats.
I am so thankful for the courage that Kelly had in sharing her story of having had two abortions. She is speaking for so many women, myself included, when she shares of her second abortion, and how equally painful, if not more so it was for her. Some people, even women who have had one abortion, sometimes have a difficult time understanding how a woman could make the choice to abort multiple times. The fact that a person has more than one abortion speaks to the emotional trauma that that person has endured in their lifetime. It often follows a lifetime of abuse in many cases, and indicates many times a chronically dysfunctional relationship with ones mother. A person who chooses abortion more than once has a deep seeded psychological need to recreate the trauma she has come to know in her life; to generate the defamation of her own character to make her circumstances fit what is her "norm" again, and this may happen over and over and over again, until some catalyst changes or interrupts this cycle. It is extremely difficult to stop abusing yourself, when that is what you have been lead to believe you are worth in this world. Words and ideas like self-love and self-respect and self-care are non-existent in the lives of the abused. Further, if you've never been allowed to feel your feelings, or to express them, or even how to identify what they are, when faced with a crisis pregnancy, there is no way you can think through and predict the consequences of your actions or your possible thoughts and feelings after having an abortion. There is very little hope that a woman in this situation would be able to make a wise, careful and informed decision; which makes her extremely susceptible to having more than one abortion, and making many, many relationally poor decisions.
I hope that many will gain understanding, as they watch these episodes in the future, that there is so much more to the picture, than just the abortion(s). I hope that many will see that abortion is just one of the symptoms women exhibit from past pain in their lives. Abortion is pain made manifest. Pain that ironically produces even more pain and tragedy in the lives of the many who choose it. Please continue watching with me, HERE, as we watch the journeys of these five, strong women in the next several weeks, with Episode 3 airing online on February 5th, 2013. And if you are interested, we have another retreat coming up soon, on March 15th-17th, 2013, and we still have slots open for it. Call me now to register @ 828-919-8020.
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