Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Working Hard

     I'm working hard, and so is the team, at pulling together the pieces we need to start the new Interdenominational site, and it is very exciting to be following God's leading in my life.  It is a lot of work, and I knew it would be, isn't anything worth doing hard work?  May God be with us as I and our team pulls together over the next couple of months to prepare and plan for the first retreat in our new site.  We have a strong team of helpers and healers, and every single one of us has been through trials that have left us in need of healing, and we give all the glory to the one true Healer, Jesus!

     I'm so excited for the women and men who are coming, who don't even know they're coming yet.  I am so excited to meet them, to know them, to touch their lives, to watch God transform their lives, and to just be able to be a vessel and/or witness them healing.  I pray that each and every woman and man who is intended and ordained by God to be there, will reach out to Oaks Studio and follow His leading in their lives.  Many are praying for us.  Many are asking God to move.  And I, for one, can't wait to see what He is up to.  What a blessing to be called in this way, to serve in this delicate matter, to seek to fulfill my purpose here.  I used to wonder, why did I do this?  I just couldn't comprehend my abortion choices, they didn't make sense to me; they were the ANTI-me.  And one day I realized, if I hadn't made those choices I wouldn't be able to serve in this way, and I can't imagine that.  I can't imagine, now that God has shown me the purpose He has for me, I can't fathom NOT doing what I'm seeking to do, what I AM doing.  Was that why they were  so agonizing for me?  Was that why the entire process was so traumatic for me?  It was so against my spirit, my nature, my true desires, that I had an all out war raging inside me, yet I finished it, I went through with it.  If I had not, there would be no Oaks Studio today, there would be no new group assembled to serve in our new site, there would be no looking forward to watching and participating in the healing of others' pain, no facilitating or aiding in that healing.  God's plan, and His timing.  Now, that doesn't mean "God made me do it," please, don't misunderstand what I'm saying.  I am saying, God knew what I was going to do, before I did it!  And just as in Jacob's story of his jealous brothers, "evil meant it for bad, but God meant it for good."  You see, only God, in all of His infinite wisdom, could create something beautiful out of something as wretched as abortion.  Only He could create healing from death and sorrow.  Romans 8:28 reminds us, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  I do believe this.  I will always believe this.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Dawn

     I never really thought about it or realized how much I like my middle name, until recently.  Dawn, my middle name, was a part of me I just accepted at face value, and didn't really link it to the reality of what it means.  Isn't it funny how little things like that just escape notice sometimes in our lives:  Then, suddenly one day, it's like a sparkle or flash of light catches our eye; an we examine more closely and carefully that commonplace thing, whatever it may be, and discover the underlying beauty it has had all along in our lives.  I realized the dawn represents a new and fresh start each and every day, which happens to be one of the privileges of life that I adore most.  I taught school for almost a decade, before I stared counseling, and one of my favorite things about teaching was the fact that we enjoyed a summer break, and came back each school year for a new and fresh start.  I loved that feeling!  It was like a huge breath of fresh air.  In fact, I've been thinking all week about the teachers and students returning to the classroom for a new year, and how much I miss having a classroom full of eager students to get to know. 
      That is what God offers us each and every morning with the breaking of the dawn, a new start, a fresh beginning, and a precious opportunity to meet Him where we are.  He offers us renewal and regeneration, and hope through His everlasting love and strength.  When we think we can't face another day of missing our children, or dealing with the pain of guilt and shame that often becomes our existence, we are allowing evil to veil and obstruct the dawn's light.  We are missing the gift that is being extended to us through the breaking of a new day, and the shining of a restorative and healing light on our faces.  "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day," Psalm 4:18.  Ask Him to shine the light of dawn in your heart and fill you with a radiance and warmth that only our Healer can give.  He is faithful to honor our prayers, all we need to do is ask.

Monday, August 6, 2012

My Feelings Are Hurt

     I went out today again to post flyers and post cards around the community college campuses in my area, thinking women of all ages trek those halls in pursuit of some degree or certification in some field or another; and knowing that 43% of them, age 48 and under, statistically speaking, have had at least one abortion, surely some of them are hurting from their abortion choice, and need to find the healing and peace that God so desires for them.   Seemed an obvious place to target to share word of our weekend retreats to me, wouldn't you agree?

     In one building on one of the campuses, as I'm exiting the building, I happen to see a woman who works at this particular building on this particular campus, removing the flyer and the post card that I had just posted moments before that.  Now, keep in mind, I have been very respectful of the bulletin board rules, and if the bulletin boards were for specific clubs and so forth, I did not post my flyers there.  I posted on the boards that had random everyday things posted, such as flyers about books or races that are being run in the area, or cleaning companies looking for business, etc.  And I can't help it, my feelings are hurt that this particular woman felt it necessary to remove only my flyer and my post card.

     On a completely different campus, in a completely different county, I hung a flyer up on a board on my way into the campus, and on my way out to my car noticed it had been taken down, and all of the former available push pins had been removed from the board as well.  Can you imagine?  I hung it right in the middle of the board, in between a flyer advertising a children's consignment shop, a 5k race that's coming up soon, and a cleaning service's business card.  Now, why was my flyer about post-abortion healing the only flyer that had been removed?  Not only that, they took away the push pins, as to be sure that I would not be able to put up another flyer; which I did anyway because I happened to be prepared with a stapler and an extra 5,000 staples, should I need to use them!  A woman on a mission cannot afford to be unprepared!

     My feelings were hurt, still are, that's why I'm writing you.  I have to get this out of me.  The first thing that went through my mind, when I saw the woman at the first campus removing my information was, "what does it matter to you if that flyer hangs on that board or not?  What difference could it possibly make in your life?  Yet, what a huge, everlasting change it COULD mean in SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE!"  I thought, is she pro-choice, or does she hate women who have had abortions, and therefore feels they deserve no healing, or is she simply an agent of evil trying to get in the way of God's work?  I started to ask her why she was removing them, my flyer and my post card, and part of me wishes I had of.  But, I didn't, it was early in my day and I thought, "save your energy and keep doing what you know you are being lead to do, God has this!"  I didn't want her words in my head, her image removing my info was enough to carry out of that building with me.  But, I did want her to understand the importance of this work, and still do.  I want her to want the same thing that I want, healing for all women and men, no matter what they've done, or where they've been.  

     The second time it happened, I couldn't help but think, "what is wrong with people in this world?"  "Where are our hearts?  Where are our minds?  What happened to freedom of speech."  It has always been so easy for me to take what I need and leave what I don't need alone, why can't others do the same?  If you don't believe it, or need it, or want it, then leave it alone, but don't take it away from the rest of us, because WE MIGHT JUST NEED IT!!!  I want/ed to scream, "don't you want your women and men here on this campus to be healthy?  Don't you want the wounded to receive healing?  What is wrong with you?  Why would a flyer about post-abortion healing threaten someone?  I don't get it, I truly don't get it.

     I will have to pray about this, I will have to pray for the "seen woman" and the "un-seen remover," as well.  I will have to pray for understanding and insight.  I will pray for compassion.  But, I will NOT stop the work I know God is leading me to do.  I will not.  

Hebrews 12:1-3 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

     Thank you, Lord, You always know what I need to hear.  I will think of You and what You suffered, and I will not grow weary and lose heart!  Give me Your strength and sustain me in carrying on.  Help me not be put off by anything or anyone who seeks to hinder or entangle me or my purpose.  Strengthen me, Lord Jesus, so that I may run with perseverance the race that you have marked out for me in my life.  May Your name be glorified!  May You always be praised!!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Our New Site is Developing Nicely!

     I am working hard to advertise our new site, and what an exciting time this is!  I can see
God Winks everywhere I turn, and it is so amazing to feel that He is with me every step I take.  I pray that many women and men will hear about our new site and will come to the retreats to find forgiveness from God and themselves, and to receive the healing that our Lord desires so much for them.

     Abortion is a devastating choice for many women in many ways.  I know that there are millions of people hurting from their past abortions and I want so much to help them find the healing that I have found and experienced, and am so thankful for even as I write this.

For me, the retreat was "the icing on the cake."  I had worked so hard on my own for so long to find the healing that I needed, but something was still missing.  I still had these doubts and whispers of "am I really healed?"  The retreat was closure for me.  In my co-facilitation of these retreats, I am always amazed at how much each person who attends is blessed, whether that person is in the early stages of healing, or like I was, had been working at it for quite some time.  This program is fit for all stages of the healing process, and the healing is VERY MUCH a process.  It takes much time, as any type of grief does.  Abortion has so many other layers on top of just the usual grief of having lost a loved one that it definitely qualifies for the label of "complicated grief."  There are so many others things that go along with it, like the guilt of knowing you choose this loss, your survivor guilt as a mother, the trauma of the actual experience, and the other relationships that in some way, directly or indirectly, attributed to the abortion, and countless other issues.

     I will continue to work, even as I have faith that God will bring together the group of women and men that He wants present in our retreat on October 19-21st, 2012.  I pray that if you are in need of these retreats, that you will pick up the phone and register @ 828.919.8020.  May God Bless You!