Sunday, January 25, 2015

Forgiving Myself

The struggle of forgiving ourselves for our abortions is the greatest and toughest common denominator I see in all of my work in post-abortion healing.  We all wrestle with the feelings and thoughts of NEVER believing we deserve to forgive ourselves, and with the questions about whether or not we REALLY are forgiven by God.  I hope these words will help to clarify the path to working through this spiritual and emotional conflict, and lead you to a sense of peace and understanding.

Accepting God's forgiveness for our abortions is a decision and a choice that we make in faith.  God invites us to do this, and we must be open to receiving His grace for our sins.
     1 John 1:9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." I believe this verse holds so many paramount truths for the post abortive world.  I believe God included the word "all" for us, because we feel our sin is greater than any other!  It is confusing to think of God being "just" yet forgiving us for this particular sin.  We think that justice for what we have done would be for us to die too.  We feel that is what we deserve after we have chosen abortion.  Clearly, that is not what God has in mind.  Jesus died on the cross, so that we all may have forgiveness and salvation.  For all sins, he died, and ALL sins are forgiven.  And not only does he forgive us, but he also purifies us of our unrighteousness.  Have you ever felt dirty because of your choice?  Have you ever felt you could never bathe yourself enough to ever was away the filth of what you have done?  I've been there, I too felt that way before; but it is a lie the accuser uses to keep us in bondage, to keep us believing we are unworthy of the grace God has extended to us every minute of every day we live.

Today, make the choice to accept God's forgiveness, even though you may not feel it.  Make the choice to accept your own forgiveness, even though you may not feel it or believe it.  Accept these gifts by faith, not sight or feeling.  Accept them to be true, because you know God is faithful.  Because you know he is just.  Because you know he is righteous.  Remember that when we can't accept his forgiveness, we cannot forgive others.  If we're not accepting grace, then grace cannot flow out of us to others.
1 John 3:20 tells us, "whenever our hearts condemn us.  For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."  It is no doubt that our hearts will condemn us, and that the accuser will condemn us, but God is greater than our hearts and definitely greater than our adversary.  We must reaffirm each time this lie flies up in our faces and remind ourselves that we have confessed our sins and that God has forgiven us, even that we have forgiven ourselves.

Don't wait on your heart to agree with your head.  It will not happen for a long time.  Your choosing to accept the grace God gives, and further extending that grace to yourself, is a worthy choice that assures God that you believe his promises.  He has made it clear in his word that our confessed sins are forgiven and cleansed.  Every time you hear the accusing words start again in your head, say to God in the silence of your head or as loud as you want with your voice, "I have accepted your forgiveness, Lord and I thank you for helping me forgive myself.  I believe in your faithfulness.  I believe in your grace.  Thank you, Lord for purifying me today."  Believe me when I say that over time, you will have peace of mind, when it comes to accepting God's forgiveness and forgiving yourself.  I promise you, if you practice this prayer and meditation, you will feel in your heart what your head knows is best right now.  May God bless you as you accept his forgiveness and extend that grace to yourself.  

 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Thought loops

     Lots of thoughts clamor around in my head; back and forth, in and out, up and down.  Making sense of the the mumbles and whispers, and even shouts at times that make my heart pound is scary and tiring.  How many times do we think a thought before it is a dead thought, a waste of time, I sometimes wonder.  Why do I think the same things over and over again and expect to understand the answers more clearly?  Is "beating the dead horse" going to get me anywhere?  Apparently my mind thinks so, it keeps revisiting over and over the same areas and thoughts.  Psychologists, counselors and others call these thought loops.  They play over and over and become quite intrusive at times, seemingly taking away our ability to focus, concentrate and maintain our serenity.  These thought loops are sometimes productive.  Sometimes, I think they draw attention to areas we still need to keep excavating and examining for meaning and connection and purpose in the grand scheme of our lives; they are the why's, the how's, the what-if's in life.  They're like someone, whose trying to get our attention, who stands beside us pecking on our shoulder, "excuse me," they might say, "have you thought about this yet...," or "maybe it's this..."  It is endless and natural, and we can only hope, productive at times.  Productive in that they reveal to us new bits and pieces of understanding into who we are, how we arrived at our current state of being, and our unique purposes in life.

"It's My Mom's Fault"

     There is a strong correlation in today's adults between abortion and abuse in childhood and adolescence, this is a proven fact.  These days there seems to be a bit of a tug of war between one side saying, "It's my Mom's fault how I act, she did this to me," and the opposing side, "You can't blame your parents for your life, take responsibility for yourself."  I think somewhere in between these two statements lies the full and complete truth.  There is a huge difference between blame and  acknowledgement.

     How we are raised, the environment in which we develop; the rules that we hear, spoken and non-spoken all contribute to who we are.  The behaviors modeled by the adults in our lives matter and do impact who we become.  The way we are treated makes a difference.  Dysfunction effects us, and along with everything else mentioned and much more, shapes us into who we are.  The experiences we have, the memories that are created, they are all a part of us.  Nature is only part of us, the way we are nurtured has huge implications in our lives, and ultimately in our choices.

     If we take a serious look at our pasts and determine in retrospect, that we believe we were mistreated or abused, this fact is very important for individuals to acknowledge.  This type of insight and understanding is so very important to helping us realize who we are and why we are the way we are; and further, why we may make the choices we make.  This type of introspection helps us to dissect our lives and gives us a clearer understanding of our identities, and the essence of who we are.

     To acknowledge the fact that our parents, or guardians, have in some way negatively impacted our development in a major way is not the same as saying their treatment of us is the reason for every mistake we ever make.  We can fully understand the precipitating events in our lives that may have caused us to be predisposed to making certain choices, while taking full and complete responsibility for what we have done.  Is it fair to say that our parents, guardians, and others share a portion of the responsibility for how we arrive at the decisions we make?  In many cases of abuse and neglect, I would answer a resounding yes, in many cases!  Especially in regards to the decisions and choices we make in early adulthood.  Those years, when we are first launched into this sometimes cruel and unforgiving world.  If we have been raised in a stable, loving and nurturing environment, where our physical, emotional and spiritual needs are being met, we are more likely to be able to make healthy, sound and informed decisions.  On the contrary, if we have suffered abuse and our needs have not been met, our choices are drastically effected by our states of mind and development, or lack there of.

     I am all about taking responsibility for my choices and where my life is at this very moment.  I own the decisions I have made.  I also acknowledge my upbringing and the abuse I withstood impacted my life in lasting and profound ways.  I continue on in my search to make meaning of all that has happened to me, and I hope you do the same.  Recognizing our histories is natural and necessary in our quest to fully understanding ourselves and developing into our highest and best selves.