Today's episode was difficult to watch, because the harsh reality of abortion, and what we have done as women who have made this choice is undeniably awful! No matter how much healing a person goes through, or experiences, this fact remains unmovable and irrevocable. The reality that there was life, and our choice to abort ended that life, leaves a void in our lives that can never, ever be filled. Our children are gone, and can never be replaced. My heart goes out to the women in our world, along with the women on the show, who are living daily with the pain of regret from an abortion choice, no matter how long ago that abortion may have taken place. My heart aches for the innocent lives that are ended daily around the world, as one statistic shared in this episode shows us, 1.5 million abortions taking place each year, making this the most common procedure among women. How long will this continue? How long before enough of us share our stories of regret to break through the denial of the pro-choice rhetoric?
This episode was largely about the lies that are told to women convincing them that abortion is an okay option, because the life inside them are really just "tissue." I have to say, I do not really feel I was "duped" by the system so to speak, though I agree it is a huge lie that is told to many that "abortion is a simple procedure that removes some unnecessary tissue and you'll be fine soon after it's over." That really didn't factor into my choice. I was deceived by the lies of the enemy much more so than the actual clinic itself, and I do realize that the enemy is also behind those lies as well. I remember a constant barrage of lies from the time I opened my eyes in the morning until I closed them at night, and it was very much an attack on my mind and my emotions, not to mention my body, with the incessant anxiety and panic of being alone in a crisis pregnancy situation.
I remember thoughts like, "you can't afford to take care of another child, you can barely care for the one you have now," "you can't make ends meet working two jobs as a single mother now, and you think you can add another child to the household, that's ridiculous," "your boyfriend doesn't want you or love you or want to marry you, if he did, he would ask...so if you got married and had the baby, he would just be stuck with you and you've already had one failed marriage, and now you think you can have another marriage?" "What will your parents say, you know their Cardinal rule has always been no children out of wedlock," "your mother is going to be furious, she'll leave you and never look back if you tell anyone you're pregnant and not married," "what will your students think, aren't you the hypocrite that's always preaching abstinence to them?" On and on the constant taunting would go, and all day long the panic and feeling of extreme loneliness and isolation as a woman trapped in a "horrible" situation. My boyfriend was there, but all he had to offer was, "whatever you want to do, I'll support you." I told no one else about the pregnancy for many years. I have never felt so alone in my life. I remember feeling that I had to make myself hate the life inside me, in order to go through with the abortion, as if my baby was the one to blame. I think one of the things that made it so traumatic for me both times was, I didn't enter into it with the denial that "it is just a blob of tissue" as I hear many women say. I knew I had a life inside me, and I knew on some stifled, buried and disconnected level that this life was precious, and I did not want to end it, but felt I had absolutely no other choice... no other option in the world to do anything other than what I chose to do. So, I made myself do it against my own will, against my own beliefs, against my own moral code as a woman and a mother, against basically everything that I hold true to my heart about being a Christian. For me, the fact that abortion is called a "Choice," something the pro-choice agenda uses as a positive, is absurd to me. I felt I had no "choice" whatsoever, if I had I would hope that I would have chosen something different.
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