Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Continuing the Innocence Theme

I have a calendar that counts down the days left until Christmas that I hang every year on my wall. It has a Santa in the middle with a sack full of goodies, and 25 boxes around the perimeter, denoting the first 25 days of December.  Each day we move the little red painted heart with snowy glitter on top another day closer to Christmas.  My almost 20 year old son loved it when he was little, and now my youngest, who is turning four in another week, loves it too. 
My youngest son is full of mystique and wonder this year looking at the gifts under the tree, and keeps saying, "can I please open my present from under the tree?"  Which, I softly explain that he can't, "because it's not Christmas Day yet."  So, apparently he thought of a way to remedy this problem.   In the true innocence of a child way, he is sure that he can move time with the simple movement of the "snowy heart" on the calendar.  So, since he's ready for it to be Christmas day, he confidently strolled over to the calendar yesterday, climbed up on his backhoe-stencil-painted-wooden-booster step (a gift from me last year), cleverly moved the snowy heart to the number one slot,  and triumphantly announced,  "now it is Christmas day!"  Our whole house cracked up together as we embraced another glimpse of the innocence of a child. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Innocence of a Child

     One of the best parts of Christmas is seeing the world again through the eyes of a child, especially for those of us with young children.  They are so easily fascinated and captivated, so Christmas, with all of the lights and glitter and gold, is a perfect match for them.  Who doesn't love to see Christmas through the eyes of a child?  

    This morning my youngest son had his preschool Christmas party, it has been sixteen years since my oldest son had his.  They sang two songs in their usual adorable preschool way and we all visited over cookies and fruit and juicy juice.  During the first song, as one of the late comers, a cute little shy boy with the roundest of cheeks, came through the door, one of the girls in the singing group bellowed out, "that's the boy that I hugged!"  and she grinned from ear to ear.  The room exploded in laughter, and we nearly missed the whole second verse of Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer.  How absolutely wonderful that moment was.  

   As I looked at this little red headed doll baby, I thought, "I never tire of seeing the innocence of a child come to life."  How marvelous to love so openly, to embrace so unashamedly, to exchange so unselfishly.  It's the best of us, don't you think.  It's all of us, when we're little, before we learn to judge, or criticize, or label as "good" or "bad."  I wish all of us could be more like that again, don't you?  Then, let's do, okay?

  When was the last time you witnessed the innocence of a child come to life?  Did it make you smile as great as it did me?  I'm betting, yes.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

How Do You Know When You Need Help With Your Depression?

   I'm writing another post on depression during the holidays, because I continue to be reminded of the fact that holidays trigger some people to struggle more with troublesome thoughts and feelings.  If you struggle with depression or another mental illness, you may have at some point wondered what is "normal" and what is not, in terms of dealing with it.  How severe does it need to get before you need to get help with it, in other words.  I hope to answer that question in this post.

   Feeling sad or "blue," as some people call it, is a very normal emotion to feel, if you are experiencing some sort of problem or situation that has impacted you negatively in some way, or in every way you can think of, such as with the loss of someone very close to you.  To determine if there's a diagnosable disorder, you need to be evaluated by a professional.  They will look at how much the feelings and thoughts are effecting your quality of life, how severe your symptoms are and how long you have been experiencing the unpleasant symptoms that you believe may be depression.  If you have been experiencing quite a bit of discomfort, meaning it is causing more than 3 new symptoms in your life, ie: sleep disruption, loss of appetite, sadness of mood or crying spells, and you have been feeling these feelings for more than a four week period, you very well may be looking at true Major Depressive Disorder.  MDD is treatable with therapy and in severe cases with medication, and in chronic cases with brief hospitalization.  

   Now, how do you know if you absolutely HAVE to get help for yourself?  The answer is in suicidal ideation, or thoughts of suicide or homicide.  You may say, "well sometimes I think I'd like to go to sleep and never wake up," that's not what I'm talking about.  That is a passive suicidal thought, more a plan or wish for escape from the reality you are in for the moment.  You know you need help, when you begin to have real thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else.  When you begin to make plans about how you would go about killing yourself or someone else, that's how you know you need immediate help.  You need to call your therapist, if you're working with one, if not, go to the emergency room, or call 911 for an escort to the hospital.  You need to be in a setting where you can be observed 24 hours a day, and can be given medication to stabilize your mood by a licensed and experienced psychiatrist.  

   If you are ever, ever having these thoughts, don't wait, don't worry about what others will say, don't worry about inconveniencing someone else, just get help in as fast a way as you possibly can.  Many more people than you might think have had to get help for these same types of problems, it is nothing to be ashamed of.  We are human beings and we can be damaged and hurt in such a way that it is difficult to remain in this world, to continue functioning, to continue living our lives; we're all vulnerable to these feelings and this scenario.  If you find someone around you, while you are having these feelings, who is judging you, don't worry about it, they haven't been down your road, they haven't traveled in your shoes on your journey.  Let them judge, who cares.  Do they live with you?  Do they share meals at your table with you?  Then, who cares what they think.  This time is about you, and if you're in the position of seriously thinking about suicide, get help for yourself, I for one don't want to lose you.  You may think your life is not worth living right now, but right now is not forever.  This time will pass, things won't always look as hopeless as they do right now.  You may very well change your mind down the road, but suicide doesn't leave you that option.  In fact, suicide leaves you no options.  It's nowhere, it's nothing, it's not how it has to be.

   Good luck to you, my Friend, I hope you'll take my advice.   You're not alone.  
Call me at 828.391. 8575, or visit me at oaksstudio.com.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Getting "Unstuck"

What can we do when we feel "stuck"?  When our minds continue circling in the same old thought loops that bring us right back to the thoughts and questions that we started with.  When we hear ourselves saying or asking the same things over and over.  When our thoughts are intrusive and rob us of happiness and joy in our lives.

The answer is, many things.  We have many options, we just may not be able to see them in that particular moment.  Ask yourself, what is it that I like?  What is it that you are interested in?  Would you like to learn a new skill, grow personally or professionally, pick up a new hobby?  Do you have time to volunteer to help others?  Do you need to join a new group of like minded individuals who "speak your unique language?"

The answer lies in being willing to change your focus, to take the magnifying glass off of the object you've been studying and obsessing over, and redirect it in another direction.  Hold it over something else, like a rose for instance.  Remember that saying, "take time to smell the roses?"  There is actually truth in that saying and I'd like to suggest we add a couple more words to that sentence and have it read, "take time to smell, study and savor the roses."  I'm talking about living in the moment.  Seeing the smaller picture within the big picture.  Celebrating the small.  Stopping and really examining as close as possible our surroundings.  Really taking each and every moment in and making the most out of it.

Changing your perspective does not take away your problems, you're right, but most of the time neither does worrying obsessively about them.   I'm not suggesting we all pretend our problems don't exist and all we need to do is sniff roses, if that were the case, nothing would ever get done or taken care of.  I am suggesting we take a step back from the problem or issue that may be on the edge of consuming us and instead allowing that energy to go forth into some other avenue, which may prove to save us.  It's good and healthy to evaluate what things in life we can change and what things we need to leave alone, or come back to later.  Not all things can be "fixed" in five minutes or less, as our current world attempts.  

So, the next time you find yourself thinking a thought for the 100th time, make a real and conscious effort to redirect your thoughts into a direction and onto a topic that gives you some excitement or peace of mind, even if it only lasts a little while.  You may need to do this over and over on a really bad day, but it works.  This is an effective technique for folks who are depressed and anxious over an ongoing issue in their lives.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Grief and Holidays

'Tis the season to be jolly....for many people, yes, but for many others, it is a difficult and painful time of year.  For many of us, the endless commercials portraying happy people surrounded by friends and loved ones are constant reminders that we are missing those we have lost in differing ways, and for various reasons.  There are many ways in which we experience losses, besides through a physical death.  Thankfully there is an emotional coping mechanism that kicks into gear during times of great emotional pain, it is called denial. 

I believe we are all protected by a certain amount of healthy denial, so that the pain of our losses; whether that be from the death of loved ones, or the death of relationships, or jobs or dreams---from whatever the source of the grief---is somehow bearable.  Broken down and spread out over time, the pain is much more manageable--but still present nonetheless.

For many people the seasons are sometimes something to be endured, rather than celebrated.  Sometimes we may want to cover our heads and hide until the holidays pass.  I am familiar with those feelings, this year in particular seems to be hitting hard.  It was a complete task and ordeal, that seemed too daunting for me, just to put up my Christmas tree yesterday, a tradition I normally enjoy very much.  I found myself just doing the least amount to get by, and wishing I was done with it altogether.  Then I cried and said, "I don't want to feel this way about your birthday, Jesus!"  Instead of feeling guilty though, I am sure that He understands exactly what I was saying, and I know He knows what I think and how I feel.  This reality is so comforting to me.  Jesus himself even makes a promise to us about our grief in John 16:20, "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.  You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy."

I am convinced that if we felt all of our grief at one time, it would consume us.  I believe it is spread out over the days and weeks that make up our years in memories and lost traditions that we miss participating in with the ones we've lost.  It is represented in the little ways that we miss sharing experiences with those who are no longer present in our lives, for various reasons.  

If you are in this boat with me and many others, my heart goes out to you this holiday season, and I am whispering a prayer for you in your delicate situation in this very moment.  Let's be patient with ourselves, and allow however much time we need to work through the thoughts and emotions relating to our loss.  Each of us is different, each void is unique and special.  A brighter time will come, for now, express your sorrow as you are able to a trusted spouse, friend or relative.  Many times processing and verbalizing our thoughts will allow grief to dissipate somewhat.  Some of us enjoy quiet avenues of expression, such as writing, creating art, and/or meditation and prayer.  All of these options are available to us and can help, even if it's only for a brief time.  I wish there was a magic wand to wave it all away, or a pill you could take and make it disappear; unfortunately that is not the case.  Know that you are not alone in your discomfort this holiday season, for grief knows no prejudices.  This time will pass, and there will be joy after the mourning.