I knew a long time ago that having my voice taken away from me at a very young age had affected my ability to understand, realize or say what I wanted to happen in the wake of my crisis pregnancies. I wasn't used to forming my own opinions, or thinking for myself, or being asked what I wanted. At that point in my life, I only thought of what my mother would say, or more accurately how angry she would be when/if she found out. I did not realize it was not my mother, but myself, that I would have to face everyday for the rest of my life following the abortions. I did not realize that I would grow into the ability to be a separate, fully functioning person without my mother's influence at any point in my life. I was an extension of my mother, not a separate entity with my own worth and identity. I was into my 40's before I was able to begin to find myself and figure out who I am and what had really happened to me.
I have a strong, soul rooted desire to help women who are hurting from abortion, or from any other type of traumatic experience; and I know that desire stems from my history of pain and loss, and that it was all necessary for me to be who I am now. It's all relevant, it's all valid, and equally important in the shaping of who I am. How much more understanding I have for having suffered the abuse of my childhood, from the abuse in my first marriage, from the losses of my children. All of that pain and loss and sorrow and suffering have made me who I am today, and have equipped me in such a way as to reach others who are hurting and in need of healing.
My passion for helping is greatly fueled by the experiences I've had forging my path in this world. It is all about the journey. The journey from sorrow and pain to that of healing and restoration. I want to assist others in walking that path, in finding their way back to the persons they were meant to be. I do not believe God wants for our futures to be riddled with sorrow from our abortions. I believe He wants us to accept the forgiveness and peace that He offers every minute of every hour of every day, and to live our lives in great joy sharing what He has done within us. What witness does endless suffering have? What purpose does it serve? Contrast that with the hope that a broken person that has been healed brings to the world, and you will know which He values in our lives. Jeremiah 29:11, that our pastor spoke of this past week, says it so well, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm to you, plans to give you hope and a future."
If you have someone in your life, who essentially has their hand over your mouth, stifling your voice and keeping you from being who you need to be, I hope you will ask God to take that hand away and give you the voice He intends for you to have. I hope you will realize your worth and your value. I hope you will take hold of the power you possess inside you and take it back from those that are trying to steal it away from you. I hope you will reach out for help in finding your voice. I am here for you. I will pray for you.
