Grief and Holidays

'Tis the season to be jolly....for many people, yes, but for many others, it is a difficult and painful time of year.  For many of us, the endless commercials portraying happy people surrounded by friends and loved ones are constant reminders that we are missing those we have lost in differing ways, and for various reasons.  There are many ways in which we experience losses, besides through a physical death.  Thankfully there is an emotional coping mechanism that kicks into gear during times of great emotional pain, it is called denial. 

I believe we are all protected by a certain amount of healthy denial, so that the pain of our losses; whether that be from the death of loved ones, or the death of relationships, or jobs or dreams---from whatever the source of the grief---is somehow bearable.  Broken down and spread out over time, the pain is much more manageable--but still present nonetheless.

For many people the seasons are sometimes something to be endured, rather than celebrated.  Sometimes we may want to cover our heads and hide until the holidays pass.  I am familiar with those feelings, this year in particular seems to be hitting hard.  It was a complete task and ordeal, that seemed too daunting for me, just to put up my Christmas tree yesterday, a tradition I normally enjoy very much.  I found myself just doing the least amount to get by, and wishing I was done with it altogether.  Then I cried and said, "I don't want to feel this way about your birthday, Jesus!"  Instead of feeling guilty though, I am sure that He understands exactly what I was saying, and I know He knows what I think and how I feel.  This reality is so comforting to me.  Jesus himself even makes a promise to us about our grief in John 16:20, "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.  You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy."

I am convinced that if we felt all of our grief at one time, it would consume us.  I believe it is spread out over the days and weeks that make up our years in memories and lost traditions that we miss participating in with the ones we've lost.  It is represented in the little ways that we miss sharing experiences with those who are no longer present in our lives, for various reasons.  

If you are in this boat with me and many others, my heart goes out to you this holiday season, and I am whispering a prayer for you in your delicate situation in this very moment.  Let's be patient with ourselves, and allow however much time we need to work through the thoughts and emotions relating to our loss.  Each of us is different, each void is unique and special.  A brighter time will come, for now, express your sorrow as you are able to a trusted spouse, friend or relative.  Many times processing and verbalizing our thoughts will allow grief to dissipate somewhat.  Some of us enjoy quiet avenues of expression, such as writing, creating art, and/or meditation and prayer.  All of these options are available to us and can help, even if it's only for a brief time.  I wish there was a magic wand to wave it all away, or a pill you could take and make it disappear; unfortunately that is not the case.  Know that you are not alone in your discomfort this holiday season, for grief knows no prejudices.  This time will pass, and there will be joy after the mourning.