"It's My Mom's Fault"

     There is a strong correlation in today's adults between abortion and abuse in childhood and adolescence, this is a proven fact.  These days there seems to be a bit of a tug of war between one side saying, "It's my Mom's fault how I act, she did this to me," and the opposing side, "You can't blame your parents for your life, take responsibility for yourself."  I think somewhere in between these two statements lies the full and complete truth.  There is a huge difference between blame and  acknowledgement.

     How we are raised, the environment in which we develop; the rules that we hear, spoken and non-spoken all contribute to who we are.  The behaviors modeled by the adults in our lives matter and do impact who we become.  The way we are treated makes a difference.  Dysfunction effects us, and along with everything else mentioned and much more, shapes us into who we are.  The experiences we have, the memories that are created, they are all a part of us.  Nature is only part of us, the way we are nurtured has huge implications in our lives, and ultimately in our choices.

     If we take a serious look at our pasts and determine in retrospect, that we believe we were mistreated or abused, this fact is very important for individuals to acknowledge.  This type of insight and understanding is so very important to helping us realize who we are and why we are the way we are; and further, why we may make the choices we make.  This type of introspection helps us to dissect our lives and gives us a clearer understanding of our identities, and the essence of who we are.

     To acknowledge the fact that our parents, or guardians, have in some way negatively impacted our development in a major way is not the same as saying their treatment of us is the reason for every mistake we ever make.  We can fully understand the precipitating events in our lives that may have caused us to be predisposed to making certain choices, while taking full and complete responsibility for what we have done.  Is it fair to say that our parents, guardians, and others share a portion of the responsibility for how we arrive at the decisions we make?  In many cases of abuse and neglect, I would answer a resounding yes, in many cases!  Especially in regards to the decisions and choices we make in early adulthood.  Those years, when we are first launched into this sometimes cruel and unforgiving world.  If we have been raised in a stable, loving and nurturing environment, where our physical, emotional and spiritual needs are being met, we are more likely to be able to make healthy, sound and informed decisions.  On the contrary, if we have suffered abuse and our needs have not been met, our choices are drastically effected by our states of mind and development, or lack there of.

     I am all about taking responsibility for my choices and where my life is at this very moment.  I own the decisions I have made.  I also acknowledge my upbringing and the abuse I withstood impacted my life in lasting and profound ways.  I continue on in my search to make meaning of all that has happened to me, and I hope you do the same.  Recognizing our histories is natural and necessary in our quest to fully understanding ourselves and developing into our highest and best selves.