Episode 7 of Surrender the Secret

     In this episode of Surrender the Secret, these brave women participate in a Memorial Service to honor their lost children.  This is a tender, sacred time of healing for those of us who have lost a child to abortion.  I like the way the women chose their own flowers to memorialize their children and the way the cross was displayed on the table, with their flowers mingled all around it.

     Writing and sharing a story to your aborted child is a difficult and cathartic task.  I remember writing to my children many years ago for the first time after completing a Bible study similar to Surrender the Secret called "Her Choice to Heal."  It was my first encounter with a tool to help women to heal from abortion, and was indeed my first attempt to make sense of the excrutiating pain that I was in emotionally and mentally.  I remember seeing the title of the book in a magazine in a doctor's office and immediately going to purchase the book at a local Christian Bible store.  I was petrified to bring the book up to the counter to pay for it.  I was so afraid someone would see what I was buying and know what I had done.  I was so shrouded in secrecy in my life at that time, yet so hungry to hear someone else's post abortion story, so in need of help in figuring out what was happening to me.  I did bring the book to the register, and with my eyes cast down allowed the nice lady to ring up the book.  She did not comment on the book, nor did she look at me with judgment that I could see; and I have always been thankful for that moment.

     I remember writing my letter for the first time.  It felt odd to acknowledge my children as  real people, instead of  "bad choices" or  "terrible regrets."  For the first time I was able to separate what I had done from whom I had done it.  There was  more to that day than just what I did. I had to face the fact that in heaven waiting for me, are two precious beings, who are my children.  It was difficult to speak to them at first.  For so long, I had not allowed myself to acknowledge their lives.  I did in that sort of suspended place that I believe is denial, but I had not allowed it deep in my soul where it counted, where it needed to be for me to work on healing.  In order to write the letters, I had to consider who my children were and what their lives had meant to me up until that moment.  It was a difficult task, but after I finished, I was so glad I had pushed through it.

     The women in the series shared from their hearts in their letters to their children.  We have been blessed by hearing their letters and witnessing the work they are allowing God to do in their lives.  They are inspiring and humbling as well.  I am thankful for their willingness to share with us.