Myths about abortive women

     There are many misconceptions about women who choose to have abortions.  People judge quickly when they hear this word, and whether they mean to or not, often subconsciously prescribe various character traits to those making this "choice."  Let's examine some of them, and dispel them with the actual facts:

• Women who choose to have abortions are promiscuous, sleeping with many people at the same time.
• Women who choose to terminate their pregnancy do not care about their unborn child.
• Women use abortions as a form of birth control.
• Women choosing abortions are selfish and self centered.
• Women who abort their children are "trashy."
• Women who choose to have abortions are feminist.
• Women who choose to terminate pregnancies are cold and uncaring.
• Women who abort their unborn children are flippant and nonchalant about the fact.
• Abortive women enjoy having the right to choose what happens to their baby.
• Abortive women are "proud" of their decision to terminate their pregnancies.
• Women who abort do not grieve their lost children.
• Those who terminate do not have the right to grieve their lost children.
• Those who abort are fully aware of their choices when they make them, and go into this procedure with their "eyes wide open."
• Abortive women see their choice as a convenient solution to their inconvenient pregnancy.
• There aren't any consequences for the abortive woman for her "sins."
• The abortive woman understands all of the possible side effects of her choice to have an abortion.
• Abortions are no different than any other type of surgical procedures, in terms of mental and emotional impact.
• Women are informed of all of the risks of their abortions through pre-op counseling, and make this poor choice anyway.
• Women who abort make their choices with  clear minds and a clear consciences. 
• Women feel empowered by their abortion choices, and their right to choose what happens to their bodies.

      These are some of the generalizations that people assume are true of a woman choosing to have an abortion, and for the vast majority of women who do make this unthinkable choice, they are not true whatsoever.  The reality is that most women who have an abortion(s) are women just like any other, they are in our churches, our schools, our workplaces, our social groups and everywhere there are people.  The majority of women who terminate their pregnancies do not want to make this choice, but feel there is no other alternative.  It is impossible, unless you are in that crisis pregnancy, for you to understand the shear panic and tunnel vision that is experienced.  I am convinced that there is a central fear for each and every woman who thinks of having an abortion, a fear that is so deeply felt and experienced at the core of her very soul and being that involves the very same psychological and physiological responses of a person in a life or death situation, who must fight to save their own lives.  I am further convinced that if we could reach that woman and get her to face her fear, assuring her that we will help her to fight and defeat her fear, we will help her to see a different choice, either keeping her baby with the promise of support to help her, or for adoption to a family who is waiting for a child they cannot produce themselves.  This is how we stop abortion, this is how we fight this monster, not through judgment and condemnation.  We need to educate our daughters and nieces and sisters about the need to value our bodies and how to make extremely wise decisions where sex is concerned.  We need to tell them and show them what good choices look like.  We must model this type of behavior for them and tell them they are worth having their needs met, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  We need to make sure they understand that there is a way to avoid the horrifying choice of abortion that can and will devastate the rest of their lives.

     Instead of judging the abortive woman, try to put yourself in her shoes for a minute.  Try seeing the world from her point of view.  Try, even though you don't know what she has experienced up until that point, to imagine what her thoughts are, how she sees herself and her unexpected and unplanned pregnancy; try to imagine what her fears might be, what obstacles she sees in front of her that are so enormous that she cannot see around them, try to feel the overwhelming panic she feels, try to hear the clock ticking that she hears, the anger and rejection from others that she is anticipating, the reality that she does not have the means to feed, clothe, and nurture a child, and try to feel what she feels inside her own body, the trapped, desperate, gripping sensations that plague her day and night, and the incessant feeling of isolation and solitude that she is experiencing.  Abortion is not a simple choice, anyone who sees it that way and judges it that way is completely out of touch with the reality of what the abortive woman faces.