Wednesday, March 16, 2016

How Is Healing After Abortion Ever Going To Be Possible For Me

I receive the question, "How is healing after my abortion ever going to be possible for me," all the time. I remember when it seemed like such a far stretch and a vague, unrealistic destination for me too. Some people don't believe it's possible, and trust me, I get that. Others, like myself, have experienced God's gift of healing and will tell you without hesitation it IS possible.

But even if we assume it is true, I often also get the question, "how will I know if/when I'm healed?" My reply? "It's different for every person, and all of the ways it is realized are valid." When you have healed from abortion's wounds, the scar is still there and never leaves, but the pain no longer lingers in your heart and mind; with healing, you no longer feel like your pain, sorrow, guilt, torture, despair and (fill in the blank with your greatest struggle), is controlling you and your life. Everything does not revolve around your abortion history. You don't fight and struggle against the daily onslaught of intrusive, negative thoughts and feelings about your abortion experience. You have accepted forgiveness from God, you have forgiveness in your own heart for you, and you have integrated this event(s) into the story of who you are. The abortion(s) is part of your history and that is a fact you can finally live with; you acknowledge that you will never like this fact, but it is your reality. You are not struck with horror at the thought that someone may "find out about it," and judge you and reject you; you will not wear it like a badge of courage, but you will recognize that you can be helpful and open to others that are hurting after abortion. You will have a peaceful understanding with God that He has brought a calm into the storm that followed your abortion, that had possibly lingered for years, even decades. You will have a heightened sense of how awesome God's grace and mercy is for his children, and how incredibly humbling it is to know his sacrifice has covered your abortion sin(s) as well. You will know, even if you can't explain how it happened, that healing is real in your life and you  will be on fire to share what you have with others that are in their dark places, still stuck in the mire like you used to be.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of spiritual healing from the disease of abortion. It is the most crucial component and without this divine gift, I would agree that complete healing is not possible. It was not until my Rachel's Vineyard retreat in 2009 that I fully received the spiritual healing that I did not even realize was missing. The Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the retreat team and the sovereign presence of God with me that weekend changed me in ways that I am not fully able to explain. It is similar to acceptance of Christ as your savior and the born again experience, yet even that doesn't describe the fullness of it. I had studied the Bible, I had prayed countless prayers and cried innumerable tears in search of healing and wholeness, and all of those steps were necessary and important; yet in the end, there was work only the Great Physician and Healer of all of our wounds could provide on a soulful level on which we as humans do not have access.

I was truly amazed at my retreat as I realized the fullness of why God had brought me there! He knew I had to have time away from everything and everyone in my life in order for me to be completely open and focused on Him and His spirit within me. If you are approaching your healing in a pragmatic way, with logical steps that "should" equal a feeling of healing in the end, please know, He is waiting for you to invite Him into those inner most places where your pain and sorrow are held. As always, Jesus will not force His will on you, it must be you who asks Him in.










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